


Don't Bother Angel

by PlayerOneMell



Category: Be More Chill
Genre: Alchool mention, Angst, Anxiety, Blood, Cheating, Crying Jeremy Heere, Hickies, Implied Sexual Activity, Lots of Angry Michael Mell, M/M, Multi, Social Media, Swearing, Violence, boyf riends - Freeform, drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 22:11:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13890162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlayerOneMell/pseuds/PlayerOneMell
Summary: This is based off the song "Cute without the e (cut from the team)" by Taking Back Sunday. All the chapter titles are lyrics from the song, along with the story title.Jeremy unwillingly cheats on Michael. Michael questions the entire relationship and wonders if Jeremy ever really loved him at all.





	1. I Never Let You Hold Me Back

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this written for a long time so I'm going to try and post it all in one day! Excuse the typos.

Michael and Jeremy have been in a relationship for a few years now and they’ve made it through college. Michael lays on the couch in the living room of their house in Long Island. Jeremy is running around to get ready to go out with Rich. 

“Do you really have to go?” Michael asks.   
“I do. I told Rich I’d go out to the club with them.” Jeremy says fixing his cardigan. “Jake is hanging out with you, don’t worry. You won’t be completely alone.”  
“I’m always alone without my other half.” Michael says walking up behind Jeremy. 

Michael wraps his arms around Jeremy. He pulls him close as he kisses his cheek. Jeremy turns around and kisses Michael’s lips. Michael smiles against the sweet kiss and sighs. 

“I really don’t want you to go. I get nervous.” Michael says looking into Jeremy’s eyes. “You’ll text me if you need anything, right?”  
“Of course, and I’ll keep you updated.”   
“You’re not staying out all night, right? You know I have trouble sleeping when you’re not here.” Michael says.

Michael has lots of sleeping problems and so Jeremy has always helped him through them. Michael can’t get to sleep most of the time so it’s up to Jeremy to help him. Jeremy hates leaving Michael, which is why he hates his answer.

“I am. I’m sorry.” He kisses Michael again. “Don’t worry I’ll be back home before you know it Mikey! Then we can cuddle and talk and just relax.”   
“I know.” Michael sighs still gazing into Jeremy’s eyes. “I love you Player two.”   
“I love you more player one.”  
“I don’t think that’s possible.” Michael smiles.   
“Well, it is.” 

Michael and Jeremy aren’t gushy romantics, but sometimes it felt nice to be romantic with each other. It’s been almost seven years of a romance so they’re pretty much used to it now. Michael releases the hug reluctantly. He moves a curl out of Jeremy’s eyes. 

“You look gorgeous and I hate that I don’t get to relish in the glorious image that is you. But…have fun.”   
“Hey, there’s always tomorrow night handsome.” Jeremy says grabbing Michael by his hoodie and kissing him. “Sound like a plan?”   
“A very wonderful plan.” Michael smirks. “Hey baby, what time is Rich getting here?” 

Jeremy looks at the clock. He knows he doesn’t want to leave Michael in the house. He doesn’t really like leaving the house without Michael. He’s glad Jake agreed to hang out with him. He makes Jeremy feel a little better. Jeremy’s not even a huge fan of clubs, but he doesn’t want to disappoint his friends. 

“He should be here any minute. He left home an hour ago. Him and Jake must’ve stopped for dinner on the way.” Jeremy comments. “I don’t want to leave.”   
“So don’t! Stay here with me. All four of us could hang out here!” Michael is almost begging. “Come on baby, please?”   
“Mikey, I have to go. I ditched Rich last time for you.” He goes on his tip toes and kisses Michael again. “You are my world, let me go explore space.”   
“You’re my universe Jer, there is no room for anyone else.” Michael says. “I love you.”   
“I love you too.” Jeremy says. 

The doorbell rings signaling Rich and Jake’s arrival. Michael sighs taking Jeremy’s hand almost to stop him from leaving him alone. Jeremy sighs and opens the door. 

“Ready to go?” Rich asks looking at Jeremy. He nods. “Have fun Jakey.” Rich kisses Jake on the cheek.   
“You too Richie.”   
“Love you Jer.”   
“Love you Mikey.” 

The couples exchange goodbyes and Jake enters the house with a bottle of wine. Rich and Jeremy go out to the club. The four of them didn’t know it but the world was about to change for all of them forever.


	2. Why Can't I Feel Anything?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy and Rich go out with the others. Jeremy gets drunk and discovers something awful the next morning.

Rich and Jeremy go to the club. Jeremy drives Rich’s car knowing Rich is probably going to get drunk. Jenna, Chloe, and Brooke all meet them at the club. Chloe and Brooke are the only couple there, all the other significant others stayed at home. Christine isn’t exactly a fan of clubs. 

“Really, the cardigan again tall ass?” Rich asks as they get out of the car.  
“Michael likes when I wear it, and I like playing with the cuffs. Michael says I look cute.” Jeremy blushes.   
“Michael’s not here, stop blushing.” Rich laughs. “Just don’t worry about anything except for having a good time.”   
“Okay.” Jeremy sighs as they enter the club. 

Chloe and Brooke greet the boys and bring them to the bar. Rich grabs a beer right away. Jeremy gets a drink that makes it very clear he is gay. Jeremy’s bi but he knows how to make it clear he is into guys. He has Michael anyways, so he doesn’t worry about it. It’s why he enjoys the fact Rich and him never go to gay bars. Michael’s been to one before and actually had a wonderful time. He wants to bring Jeremy to one sometime. 

“So how’s our two favorite bis that aren’t me?” Chloe asks looking at Jeremy and Rich. “Anything new?”   
“Not much. Michael got a promotion. I miss him.” Jeremy sighs sipping his drink.   
“I told you to forget about your lonely riend tall ass! Just focus on having a good time.” Rich comments, he’s almost drunk all ready. 

The night carries on to be a normal time. Jeremy sends a few texts to Michael here and there until Rich takes his phone away. It’s after midnight when Jeremy’s finally drunk. Rich can tell he’s thinking of Michael. Everyone can. 

“Jeremy, get your butt on the dance floor!” Jenna exclaims. “What are you, a wuss?”   
“Christine’s gonna pick her up.” Brooke whispers, the only sober one. “Why not go dance?”   
“The only person I dance with is Mikey.” Jeremy says miserably.   
“Oh come on Jeremy! I’ll dance with you.” Rich nudges him. “You really do look cute in the cardigan.” He comments.  
“You can bring your drink.” Chloe smiles bringing Brooke back on the dance floor. 

It takes about fifteen minutes before Rich drags Jeremy on the dance floor. Jenna snaps a picture and blogs it. Jeremy doesn’t even notice, he doesn’t even care. The night becomes blurry with how drunk he is. Jeremy wakes up the next morning with a hangover. It’s one of the worst hangovers he’s ever experienced. 

“Mikey?” Jeremy asks slowly sitting up.   
“Guess again.” Rich’s voice comes through the room.   
“Oh shit.” Are Jeremy’s next words. 

Jeremy looks down at himself. Where are his clothes? He’s only in his boxers. Then the memories of last night hit him over the head. He has a hickey on his neck. Jeremy starts to cry. He cheated on Michael…what does he do now? He puts on his clothes and walks out of the house balling his eyes out. He decides to walk home. How is he going to tell Michael?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are enjoying it so far! Only eight chapters to go!


	3. Keep the Details Covered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Jake spend the night in. Michael worries about what Jeremy is up to and hope that he's okay.

Michael and Jake open the bottle of wine and sit down to talk. Over the years Jake and Michael have become very good friends. Michael trusts Jake a lot more than he trusts the rest of the SQUIP squad. 

“So how’s New Jersey? Anything new?” Michael asks sipping his wine playing with a bracelet Jeremy gave him a few years ago.   
“Not really, no. Rich has been kicking ass at work lately.” Jake smiles.   
“That’s good.” Michael sighs. 

Rich works with a secret agency that’s working to get rid of the squip network around the world. Rich travels sometimes, so Jake always comes to hang out in the city. 

“I’m glad he’s been doing well. I don’t like the thought of SQUIPs still existing. They’ve done enough damage to our lives.” Michael sighs. “So what do you want to do?”   
“You still play video games Mell?”   
“Is that a question?” Michael laughs. 

Before either of the boys can get up Michael hears his phone go off. He looks at it. It’s just Jeremy telling him he’s arrived at the bar. He sighs. 

“Loosen up Mell. He’s fine.” Jake says opening his phone, smirking.  
“Then why are you on your phone Dillinger?” Michael cocks an eyebrow.  
“I um…I’m looking at Jenna’s blog.”   
“Isn’t Jenna with them?”   
“Brooke and Chloe too apparently.”   
“Wow. So just you me and Christine aren’t there…wanna invite Christine over?”   
“She’s out. She has a tech rehearsal.” Jake replies. “Sorry, Jenna’s blog is very informational.” Jake laughs. “Very informing. Wanna see a picture of our boys?”   
“Yes!” Michael exclaims. 

Michael sees the picture, Jeremy drinking his gay drink. Rich is looking very suggestively at Jeremy. Michael doesn’t like it. Brooke has her tongue out and her and Chloe are sharing a drink. Jenna’s not in the picture because she obviously took it. 

“I want to go down there.”   
“And what? Be a babysitter for your probably already drunk boyfriend? Mell, didn’t Jeremy want me to hang out with you so you could relax?”  
“Yeah, that’s usually what he does. Invite someone over so I don’t freak out while he’s away.” Michael seems almost angry.   
“You are okay with this, aren’t you?”  
“Absolutely. He just wants me safe. I’d do the same thing for him.” Michael smiles. “I wish I was there.”   
“I’m sure he wishes you there too! Don’t worry about it.” 

Michael takes another breath and starts up the xbox. He brings his wine with him and sits on the couch. Jake does the same. The boys play some shooter games, then switch consoles. They played drunk Mario Kart. Michael doesn’t actually get drunk, he knows if worse comes to worse he will go pick up Jeremy. Jake just gets a little buzzed. 

“Any other games that would be fun to play like this?” Jake asks taking out his phone.   
“Jeremy will never confess this but we own Just Dance…what’s on your phone?”   
“Jenna’s blog again.” 

Michael fumbles for his phone with those three words. He sees a picture and drops his phone almost immediately. It’s not much, but it still feels like a nightmare. 

“Jeremy is dancing with Rich.” Jake laughs.   
“Dancing with Rich.” Michael repeats, choked up on tears.   
“Hey, they are just friends Michael, don’t worry about it.”   
“He only ever dances with me…”   
“I’m sure he’s too drunk to know what he’s doing or something! Everything will be okay.” Jake reassures Michael. “We can play Just Dance and then you’ll be dancing with me and we can call it even.”   
“O-okay.” Michael shutters switching games. 

The boys dance and keep an eye on Jenna’s blog. Eventually Michael passes out. He wakes up the next morning with Jeremy being nowhere to be seen. He texts him and Jeremy says he’s on his way home. Jake is gone. Michael is so confused. Then he sees a burned joint. He got high so he could sleep. Jake must’ve gone home. 

Michael looks at the time. It’s rather early for him to be awake. The first thing he does is fix his hair. He is rather anxious for Jeremy to come home. He is worried something might’ve happened to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, there's a happy ending, I swear.


	4. Your lipstick, his collar, Don't Bother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christine comes to the rescue as Michael finds out.

Jeremy walks home slowly worried about what’ll happen when he actually reaches the establishment. The man he loves more than anything in the entire world, he cheated on. It was an accident. He didn't know it happened, there has to be some kind of understanding, right? He trusts him. But most importantly…Michael's extremely insecure. Michael worried this would happen someday. Jeremy feels awful. 

Jeremy approaches the door and he's still bawling. He tries to wipe away the tears, but they don't seem to go away. With every wipe of his hand more come falling down. He takes a shaky hand and reaches for the door knob, but Michael opens it before Jeremy can even touch the door. 

Michael meets Jeremy's eyes. He sees the tears falling, and the crystal orbs line Jeremy's eyelids. He wonders if Jeremy can even see the way he's crying. Michael immediately pulls Jeremy into the house with a hug and closes the door. 

“Babe, are you okay?” Michael whispers into Jeremy's ear, giving his cheek a kiss.   
“I don't deserve that. I don't deserve this.” Jeremy squirms out of the hug and walks away from Michael.   
“Jer? Are you okay?” Michael asks keeping the distance but looking at Jeremy. 

Jeremy doesn’t really want to answer that question. Jeremy doesn’t want to acknowledge the fact that last night happened. But he knows Michael will see his neck and ask. Jeremy’s bawling pretty hard. 

“Jeremy, please tell me what happened.” Michael takes a step towards Jeremy.   
“Don’t come near me I don’t deserve it. Something awful happens and it proves that I don’t deserve you.”   
“What are you talking about?” Michael grabs Jeremy’s hands. “You deserve the world.” 

Michael’s eyes suddenly fall to Jeremy’s neck and his oh so fragile heart starts to break. He looks at Jeremy with tear filled eyes. He lets go of Jeremy’s hands. 

“I cheated on you.” Jeremy’s voice croaks. “I didn’t find out until just a few minutes ago.” He lets out a sob.   
“Cheated…” Michael says it through gritted teeth. “With who?”   
“Rich…” Jeremy mumbles. 

Michael’s heart breaks and tears start to stream out of his eyes quickly. Michael storms up the stairs, ripping his hoodie off. He is so mad there’s heat emitting right off of him. Jeremy is sobbing and Michael tosses him a bag. 

“Get out of this goddamn house.” Michael says trying to stay calmly. “I need to think about this.”   
“Michael I-”   
“Jeremy no! You do not get a say! Rich marks your neck and I have to pretend that’s okay? I think the fuck not! And I get to stay here.”   
“Michael I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to! I didn’t even know it happened.”   
“Which means God knows what the hell you did to Rich!” Michael shouts. “I am the only person you should that too.” Michale grabs Jeremy’s wrists and pulls him close making Jeremy squeak. “I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO GETS TO DO THAT TO YOU!” Michael’s crying his eyes out, he can barely see.  
Michael runs back into the bedroom and throws Jeremy clothes; Jeremy puts the clothes in the bag and tries to stop crying. 

“I’m sorry.” Jeremy repeats through his tears. “I just-”  
“Don’t bother trying to explain.” Michael says opening the door. “You fucked another man.”   
“I didn’t know! Rich knew well before me. I’d never cheat on you Mikey!” Jeremy lets out a sob. “Please, I didn’t mean to do this! Michael!”   
“Don’t bother…” 

Michael is so hurt by Jeremy. He looks into Jeremy’s eyes and it’s like the man he is in love with has changed for the worst instead of the better. He always thought Rich was bad news but this is absolutely out of hand. 

“I didn’t mean to.”   
“I understand.” Michael sighs.   
“Michael…I am so sorry.”   
“Just get out Jeremy.” Michael says angrily.   
“I love you Michael.” Jeremy says as he walks out the door.   
“Really? I’m not so sure about that.” Michael shuts the door and stomps upstairs.

How could Jeremy do this to him? Didn’t Jeremy love him? Michael keeps thinking that this must somehow be his fault, his Jeremy could never do something like that. Was he a bad boyfriend? Did Jeremy not know how much Michael loved him? What was going on? Michael has no clue. So instead he punches a wall. Leaving a dent. 

“How could this happen?” Michael cries.

Jeremy ponders the same question as he stares at the closed door in front of his face. What can he do now? Michael ushered him out of their house they shared. Will Jeremy ever be allowed to go back in? He doesn’t think. In fact, he takes out his phone as walks away from the house. He calls a friend. 

“I have a problem.” He says when he hears his friends pick up.   
“What is it?” Christine Canigula’s voice rings through the phone.   
“I just…I need somewhere to stay.” Jeremy sniffs. “Do you have the keys to our office?”   
“Jeremy, is everything okay?” Christine asks. 

Jeremy can feel his throat starting to close. He lets out another sob. He can’t believe everything that’s just happened. Him and Rich. He’s out in the cold. Michael…does Michael even love him? The thought just strikes Jeremy now. 

“I cheated on Michael.” Jeremy sobs. “It was an accident and I I I just…I-”  
“Jeremy, sweetie, it’s going to be okay. If I know Michael at all he just needs to blow off some steam, okay?” Christine reassures Jeremy or she at least tries.   
“What if he doesn’t love me anymore?” Jeremy asks getting a taxi.   
“He does, I promise. He just needs time to think.” Christine sighs. “Jenna’s at work and you can come over if you’d like. We can talk this through. We have rehearsal so we can get you all set up the office then, okay?”   
“Okay…thank you Christine.” Jeremy says trying to stay calm.   
“See you in a few!”   
“See you in a few.” Jeremy says it a lot slower than Christine and hangs up the phone. 

What has he done? His soulmate is obviously pissed beyond doubt right now. He cries in the taxi which takes him to Christine’s apartment. Jeremy knows he has to make everything okay and right again. He’s just not sure if he deserves it himself. 

Michael ponders the same question in their bedroom as his knuckles bruise over. He knows Jeremy didn’t mean to do this. He sighs looking at the pain he’s already inflicted on himself. How could this happen? There’s only one thing that crosses his mind…Jeremy doesn’t love him.


	5. And all of this...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael's super angry; Jeremy's super sad

Michael paces around the apartment still feeling angry at himself. At Jeremy! At Rich. He rams his head into a wall. He hasn’t seen Jeremy in three days. Michael has called off work. He hasn’t left the house. He hasn’t changed his clothes. He hasn't picked up his phone. He barely sleeps. The house is so empty without Jeremy…and so is Michael. 

Michael’s heart is broken and all the shattered pieces lay in the bottom of his stomach. He has trouble eating. His player one necklace lays on Jeremy’s pillow, the other half of the heart is with Jeremy. Michael wonders where Jeremy’s eyes but has no idea. He doesn’t even know if he should care. 

He screwed up his relationship, that’s all he can think. It’s his fault, it has to be. Michael leans back on the wall. Across the room he spots a picture of him and Jeremy. He starts crying. This is his fault, how could he let this happen? 

Michael can feel his chest tighten and his breath get short. He doesn’t want this to happen. Not without Jeremy. Jeremy always knows how to slow the pain and make the attack go away. He hasn’t had an attack alone…since…. He doesn’t want to think about it right now. That bathroom left him broken and alone. It left him without pants. Michael gave up on his life. 

On the other side of town Jeremy sits in his office staring at the ceiling. He has Michael’s hoodie slipped over his shoulder because Michael accidentally threw it at him. It’s all he’s been wearing. 

“Jeremy, have you moved since I’ve left you here last night?” Christine asks seeing Jeremy curled in a blanket under his desk.   
“No.” Jeremy mumbles, he’s crying again. “I haven't heard from Michael.” 

Christine sighs. Jeremy’s been sleeping under his desk in their office for three nights now. He hasn’t slept in his own bed in over half a week now. He just wants to be at home with Michael. 

“James came in to pick up the script so all the kids have the scripts now.” Jeremy comments trying to change the subject.   
“That’s good.” Christine says trying to help Jeremy help, but he doesn’t want to move. “Come on Jeremy, you can’t stay there forever.”   
“I don’t want to leave unless Michael comes to get me. Unless he returns a call or reads a text. Do you think he’s okay?”   
“I’m sure he’s fine.” Christine says. “Jeremy, we have work to do. Please get up.”   
“I know, I’m sorry.”Jeremy rubs his eyes. 

So, from an outside view it does look like Jeremy’s doing a lot better than Michael is. Michael is on the floor crying and twitching and screaming. He’s in so much pain. How could he let this happen? Why doesn’t Jeremy love him? Where did he go wrong? 

“This is all wrong.” Michael sobs, talking to himself. “I fucked up my relationship. The man of my dreams doesn’t love me.” Michael buries his face in his hands. 

Jeremy curls into a ball and mutters something to similar to what Michale had just mumbled to himself. 

“I can’t believe I let this happen! The man of my dreams will never love me again.” He sighs and comes out from under the desk.   
“Jeremy, don’t be silly! Michael will never stop loving you.” Christine sighs. “It’s a small hitch in the relationship Jeremy. It’ll get better.”   
“Promise?” Jeremy sniffs.   
“I do. It’ll get better.” Christine repeats. 

Jeremy keeps trying his best not to fall apart; Michael can only manage to fall apart. Michael feels as if his whole world has been taken away from him. His safety blanket is gone. The carpet has been ripped out from under him. The universe completely turned on him. The one thing he’s truly loved has turned around broke his heart. His back has so many wounds from the backstabbing. Every muscle in his body aches. 

“Jeremy why? Please tell me why?” Michael’s sobbing. “Why Rich..” Michael stops. 

He feels like this entire event is his fault, but he knows he has to let it go. Michael knows he loves Jeremy more than everything in the world, but something feels broken. Michael grabs his phone and sees all the notifications. Over the past three days Jeremy has called him thirty two times. There’s over five hundred text messages which Michael is sure there’s so many because of typos. When Jeremy’s hands are shaky he has a lot of trouble typing. Then Michael sees Jenna’s blog. 

“Oh hell no!” Michael shouts seeing a post about the events in his life. 

Jenna Roland has blogged about Jeremy's disloyalty. Michael knows Jeremy didn’t mean this to happen, and he doesn’t like that Jenna makes Jeremy look like the villain. In a way Jenna is right, but Jeremy is too drunk. He wouldn’t have remembered if he didn’t wake up next to Rich. 

Rich…

Richard Goranski…

Michael walks towards the front door. He doesn’t blame Jeremy. He doesn’t blame himself. He blames Richard Goranski for all of this chaos and pain in his life. He walks out the door with only one thing in mind…to protect Jeremy’s honor.


	6. You're Such a Sucker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy's life with Christine. Living in his office, waiting for Michael.

“You really can promise me that?” Jeremy hands starts shaking. “After all of this? I broke his heart! Again! I hurt my player one! I think it’s game over.”  
“Get your head out of your ass Jeremy! That man loves you more than anything in the world.” Christine shouts at Jeremy. “Can’t you see that?”   
“I don’t know I haven’t seen him in half a week.” Jeremy sighs.

Christine is right though. Michael would do anything for Jeremy. Jeremy is Michael’s entire life. Without Jeremy? Michael has nothing. Jeremy knows it deep down in his heart, but he feels like he’s messed up a little too much to deserve anything from Michael. 

“Snap out of Jeremy! He loves you!” Christine says sitting down at her desk. 

Jeremy thinks about for a second, and something inside his blood begins to boil. Something was holding him back before. He almost glares at Christine. 

“How can you be so sure?” He growls at her. “I HAVEN’T HEARD FROM HIM IN FOUR FUCKIN DAYS! HE IS SO OVER ME! HE DOESN’T WANT ANY PART OF ME!” Jeremy starts to cry as he shouts at Christine. “I MADE A MISTAKE, I GET IT! BUT I LOVE THAT MAN AND MAYBE HE JUST DOES NOT LOVE ME! HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHERE I AM!” Jeremy sighs. “I don’t think he cares.” 

Jeremy sits down in his office chair finally coming back down to reality. He sighs and wipes his tears away as they stream down his extremely red face. 

“Feeling a little better?” Christine cocks an eyebrow.  
“A little.” Jeremy admits. “My heart still hurts.”   
“I know Jeremy, but it’s going to get better. Jenna says Michael hasn’t left the house.” 

The thought strikes Jeremy. Is his Michael okay? He would’ve thought boyfriend, but he has no idea if that’s even his title anymore. He still totally loves Michael and he knows for a fact that he will never stop loving Michael. 

“Wait…what?” Jeremy asks quickly. “Has anyone been in contact with him?”   
“He talks to you more than anyone else.” Christine sighs.   
“What if something horrible has happened?” Jeremy gasps. “I don’t have my keys! What do I do?”   
“He’s alive. Don’t worry. One of us drives by the house everyday and there’s movement. He’s pacing about.” Christine looks at Jeremy. “Jeremy, I don’t think wearing that hoodie is good for you.”   
“No! Please don’t make me take it off.” Jeremy squeaks. “It smells like him and I like chewing on the strings. Michael doesn’t mind.”

Christine sighs and takes out her phone. Jeremy just needs a lot of help. Christine knows the only thing that could help him is being with Michael. She sighs and then sees something new on her phone from Jenna’s blog. 

“Michael left the house!” Christine exclaims.   
“He did what now?” Jeremy asks grabbing his own phone.   
“He left the house…he looks pissed. I wonder where he’s going.” Christine comments.   
“A part of me wishes that he’s coming here.” Jeremy sighs.   
“Don’t worry Jeremy, he will come find you. Eventually.” Christine sighs. “He just needs to figure this out.”   
“I know, I know.” Jeremy sighs hitting his head against the desk. “Ow.”  
“That’s why you don’t do that.”   
“Michael usually says that.” Jeremy cries. 

Christine looks at her friend and sighs. She only wishes she could help Jeremy out somehow. Jeremy sighs as well thinking to himself he couldn’t be more of a loser. He’s just a sucker to believe that somehow Michael Mell could still be in love with him. 

What Jeremy doesn’t know is even through all of Michael heartbreak, Michael still loves him. Michael left the house for him, but not to return to Jeremy. Michael isn’t quite ready for that yet.


	7. You've Got Your Gun to My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael seeks revenge and there's blood.

Michael makes his way over to Rich and Jake’s house; Michael walks the streets with purpose. He isn’t quite sure what he’s going to do when he gets there, but he knows that he’s pissed. He has something to settle with Rich and knows Jake is at work. 

A part of Michael is screaming at him to go find Jeremy, but Michael knows he’s just not quite ready yet. He approaches the door of the house. He knocks politely but he can feel his blood boiling inside of him. It feels like he’s about ready to burst. 

Rich is the one who answers the door and the first thing Michael does is punch him right in the nose causing Rich to have a nose bleed. 

“Well that’s a nice hello.”   
“Does Jake even know what you fucking did?” Michael pushes Rich into a wall. “You fucking bitch think you can just do that to me?” 

Michael’s almost shouting, it’s clear just how pissed his at Rich. It’s because of Rich that Jeremy isn’t living with him right now. It’s because of Rich that Jeremy is god knows where right now. 

“Jake knows.”   
“Son of a bitch.” Michael kicks Rich in the ribs. “You don’t fucking deserve love Richard.”   
“Full name?” Rich winces feeling Michael slap him. “You are pissed.”   
“Well I think I deserve to be! You fucked my boyfriend you bitch!” Michael shouts it like he’s drunk. 

When Michael Mell gets drunk he tends to call everyone and everything a bitch. However, in this situation Michael isn’t drunk and he just wants to hurt Rich. It isn’t fair that Rich can just get away with this. It isn’t fair that Rich can rip Michael’s heart out of his chest like this. 

The fighting continues like this for about ten minutes until Rich is black and blue and Michael injures his own hand. Michael’s knuckles on this left hands are bruised, and each one of them has a cut on them. 

“What the hell Michael!” Rich shouts laying on the floor in pain.  
“Don’t mess with me Richard. Think twice before you take advantage of my drunk boyfriend.” Michael sighs, he’s still pissed.   
“What the hell was all of that?” Jake asks coming down the stairs. 

Jake sees the sight of Michael standing over Rich and is almost paranoid something else was happening. Then he sees Michael’s hand and the bruises that decorate Rich’s body. 

“Your boyfriend is a bastard Jacob. Did you know? An absolute fucking man whore.” Michael says glaring Jake, not believing he’s okay with this.   
“Oh yeah? Where’s your boyfriend Mell? You sure he’s not off hooking up with someone else?” Jake retaliates. 

Michael walks over and punches Jake knocking him out. Michael adjusts his headphones and walks out of the door of their house. Michael still feels angry as his own blood drips from his knuckles. He sighs. Things only seem to be getting worse the longer he’s away from Jeremy, but can he really go face Jeremy right now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done! That happy ending is coming up soon!!!


	8. And will you tell all your friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small check in on Jeremy. Michael is still pissed.

Jenna’s blog seems to blow up with the activity going on with Michael. It’s been exactly a week since Michael and Jeremy have seen each other. Michael now walks around town with a broken left hand. Michael punches with his left, and Jeremy knows it. 

“Jeremy, get off your damn phone. It’s not going to make him come to you any faster.” Brooke says on the eighth day while visiting Jeremy in his office.  
“I know..” Jeremy sighs. 

No matter what Jeremy does it’s reminds him of Michael. He actually had an anxiety attack while teaching his kids. Jeremy’s a lot worse with handling his anxiety without Michael…and his medicine. Jeremy hasn’t taken off the hoodie. It’s all he has. 

“Jeremy, you’ll never get better if you stay in your office all the time.” Brooke comments. “Have you eaten?”   
“Yeah. Christine brings me dinner everyday. I eat lunch in the faculty room. My kids know I’m living here so they bring me food.” Jeremy sighs. “Not that I deserve it.” 

Brooke sighs looking at Jeremy. He’s chewing on one of the strings of Michael’s hoodie. His eyes are red and puffy. Jeremy’s face is positively stained with tears. He’s probably dehydrated from how much crying he’s been doing everyday. 

“Jeremy, it’s going to get better. I don’t think keeping you here is going to make things better.” Brooke comments. 

Then Jeremy’s phone goes off. He fumbles his fingers through the sleeves with the burns from weed on it. Despite the burns from the drug, the hoodie really does smell like Michael. Jeremy looks at it and it’s Jenna’s blog. 

“How good can that news be Jeremy? Think about what Michael did to Rich and Jake?”   
“You mean the bitch who took advantage of me and the douche that is his boyfriend?” Jeremy asks. “I don’t like that Michael did it, but…I don’t know.”  
“I know, he did it for you.” Brooke sighs. “But think about it! Jenna’s blog is a gossip site.”   
“Michael’s in the burrow.” Jeremy says quickly. 

Brooke looks at him like that can’t possibly be true! Michael here? In this burrow? Far away from home. She picks up her phone, and surely enough there’s a picture of Michael walking the streets. He’s still wearing the same clothes. 

Michael is not in town to see Jeremy though, no matter how much he wishes he was. Michael walks into Jenna’s office building and goes up to the floor she works on, the top one. He walks in, ignoring her assistant. 

“Hello Miss Gossip magazine.” Michael says rudely.   
“Hello Mister punching everything in sight.” Jenna says. 

Jenna’s rather afraid of the fact that Michael is here to punch her. Michael’s here to do something much more than that. But he tries to do it ever so cleverly. 

“Jenna, my phone is dead, and I’ve been trying to get in touch with Jeremy.” He grabs her phone. “Do you mind?”   
“Not at all.”   
“You’re such a fool Miss Gossip magazine.” Michael says. 

Michael takes Jenna’s phone, and breaks it. Jenna gasps and tears come to her eyes. That phone is her most prized possession, and her money maker. Michael just broke it under the toe of one of his white sneakers 

“Michael Mell!” Jenna shouts.   
“What? If I wanted people to know how I was doing or where I was I would tweet about it.” Michael comments. “Grow up Jenna. Gossip is for high schoolers.”   
“So you aren’t trying to get in touch with Jeremy?”   
“No.” Michael answers quickly and leaves the office. 

Michael walks out of the building feeling like a little bit of a badass. His heart is even more shattered than the broken pieces of Jenna’s iPhone. He walks past Jeremy’s school and winces. He wishes he could face Jeremy…but even looking into the window of his office brings tears to his eyes. So Michael continues to roam, sobbing his way through life. 

Jeremy would be lying if he said that he didn’t see Michael that day. He started crying too. Brooke sees it happen and sighs. 

“He will come back to you Jeremy, this isn’t over.” Brooke says as her phone goes off.  
“I miss him.” Jeremy sobs. “I love him.”   
“I know.” Brooke says. “I guess there’s no use in looking at Jenna’s blog anymore.”   
“And why is that?” Jeremy asks between sobs and shaky breaths.   
“Michael broke Jenna’s phone…Christine just texted me.” 

There goes Jeremy’s hopes again. Now he won’t be hearing from Michael. He won’t even be able to hear about Michael. Jeremy’s heart is still in Michael’s hands. Jeremy’s heart is with Michael. Maybe that’s why he can’t feel it beating anymore.


	9. I Won't Ever Ask If You Won't Ever Tell Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christine saves the day. Angry Michael is my favorite.

Michael and Jeremy haven’t each other in exactly fourteen days. Michael hasn’t slept in three nights because he bed is so cold without Jeremy next to him. Jeremy passes out every once and awhile but he can’t actually fall asleep. Not without Michael cradling him in his arms. 

Jeremy lays in his office under the desk again. He stares at his phone scrolling through pictures of him and Michael. Chloe had been encouraging him to delete them, but Jeremy just can’t bring himself to do so. 

Jeremy keeps scrolling through. Every new picture brings another sob that rips through his throat which already feels like sandpaper. He sees him and Michael’s selfie from their first date. Michael holds the phone out and stinks his tongue out, winking with a peace sign. Jeremy has his arms around Michael and is kissing his cheek. 

He keeps scrolling. 

And scrolling

Scrolling…

“Michael where are you?” Jeremy whispers to himself. “I love you Michael.” 

Michael is walking through town nursing his injured hand. When suddenly he bumps into one of his only friends he hasn’t seen during this time. Christine. Michael is angry, but he isn’t angry with Christine at all. 

“Michael Mell. Quite the surprise. You got time to talk?”   
“Probably.” Michael shrugs. 

Christine grabs his wrist that isn’t injured and leads Michael up to her empty apartment. She hands Michael a cup of tea and makes one for herself. They sit across from each other. Christine knew she’d eventually she would bump into Michael, and she has been wanting to talk to him. 

“How’s it going?” Christine asks sipping her tea.   
“Is that a fuckin question?” Michael asks angrily. “My boyfriend cheats on me.” Michael’s angry, and he breaks the mug in his hand without thinking.   
“Michael!” Christine exclaims cleaning up the mess. “You have to let this anger go.” 

Michael sighs. He knows Christine is right, but he’s still so angry. Not at Jeremy, but at something. It’s not at Rich or Jake anymore, who Michael has blocked from his phone completely. He doesn’t understand why he’s so upset. He just blames it on his broken heart. 

“Michael, you can’t go around places punching these things.”   
“I know.” He replies quickly. “It’s just Rich-”   
“No!”   
“No?” Michael questions. 

Christine reacted so quickly, it’s almost alarming. Michael jumped a little at the fact. Christine has something in mind, and it’s almost scaring Michael. 

“Michael, you need to stop blaming everyone else when you know you blame yourself.” 

That sentence strikes Michael. He thought he wasn’t angry with himself anymore, but it hit him. He’s been angry with himself this entire time. Was he good enough for Jeremy? He’s not sure. He sighs and he’s suddenly giving into his emotion. Michael starts crying, and he wishes he had his hoodie on so he could hide his face in the hood. 

“I just don’t know why this would happen. It’s like he doesn’t love me! Like I was a shitty boyfriend.”   
“Believe me, it’s anything but that.” Christine replies to Michael sitting down next to him.  
“How do you know?”   
“I work with Jeremy.”   
“He’s been going to work?” Michael cooks an eyebrow.   
“He lives there Michael. He’s been living there for two weeks. I don’t know if you can considering it living. Every morning I go back and he’s under his desk curled in a ball crying.” 

Michael thinks about it, remembering what his Jeremy looks like. It makes the lining of his heart break. He starts to sob and hugs his knees to his chest. 

“I miss him Christine.”   
“I know. And he misses you too! Michael, he’s falling apart without you. He’s crying. He tells me everyday how much he misses you. How much he loves you. He doesn’t think he deserves you anymore.”   
“That’s awful.” Michael cries. “If anything I don’t deserve him. He made that very clear when he cheated.” 

Christine sighs. Both of the boys are thinking the same thing and are extremely emotional. This is a recipe for disaster. She can see in Michael’s eyes that he hasn’t been sleeping. Christine sighs again knowing Jeremy hasn’t been sleeping either. 

“He still loves you Michael, very much. He respects the distance but he’s been dying. He wants you to come back. He’s so broken.”   
“I’m sorry.” Michael mutters and wipes away his tears. “I love him too.”  
“Really?” Christine asks.   
“Of course. I’m nothing without him. The house feels emptier than I feel without him there. Every part of me aches. I feel like nothing. I don’t know if I can face him.”   
“You can’t put it off forever.” Christine replies. “You need to tell him how you feel.” 

Michael takes a deep breath. He knows Christine is right. He has to go face Jeremy and tell him how he feels about this. It’s the right thing to do. He has to go see the man who broke his heart. Michael knows he’s also the only one who can put it back together. 

“Okay.” Michael says.   
“Okay?”   
“I want to go see him.” Michael says it quietly, still afraid of what kind of confrontation lies ahead of him. 

Christine hands the keys to Michael smiles at him. She hugs him offering some kind of comfort that Michael hasn’t felt in such a long time. He takes another deep breath. 

“You can do this Michael.” Christine says opening the door. “Go save your boy.” 

Michael exits the building taking a deep breath. It’s been too long. Instead of the walking he’s been doing Michael takes a much faster pace. Michael sprints through the city. He’s searching for the place where his broken heart can be put back together.


	10. I Know You Well Enough To Know You Never Loved Me

Michael finds the building and gets into Jeremy’s office. Jeremy doesn’t move believing it’s Christine. He doesn’t really want to move. Jeremy feels dead, his organs involuntarily working. One of those organs belong with Michael, his heart. He still wears his player two necklace around his neck. He fidgets with it as the door opens.

“Christine?” Jeremy asks rubbing his eyes.   
“Not Christine.” Michael replies placing the keys down on Christine's desk and closing the door.   
“Michael?”   
“Jeremy, where are you?” Michael asks, scanning the room with his eyes.  
“Under my desk.” He mumbles.

For the first time in two weeks, the boys lay eyes on each other. They both look messy. Jeremy wears Michael's hoodie, which is long and loose on him. His face is stained with tears and his eyelids stained the light shade of pink to indicate the tears that were there. His curls flop on his forehead. His lips untouched, longing for Michael’s kiss. 

Michael’s hair is barely standing up, and looks a bit more fluffy. The bags under his eyes make him look like some sort of zombie. His left hand is covered in bandages from all the punching. His eyes also give hints that he’s been crying. His lips are cracked because he’s been biting them, his nails give the same indication. 

“I’m sorry Michael.” Jeremy speaks first. “I’ve been hurting so much without you.”   
“Oh yeah? Did my back hurt your knife?” Michael asks, stepping forward.

Jeremy swallows his tears. He had a feeling this was coming. Michael is easily hurt, and when he’s hurt, he’s angry. Michael doesn’t want to fight with Jeremy, but that’s what came out of his mouth. 

“Do you even know what I just went through? Jeremy, you broke my heart.” Michael’s face is warm, and not in a good way. “I didn’t know how to live! I haven’t worked in weeks. The side of your bed is cold.” He notices Jeremy is still wearing his necklace. “My necklace..is on your pillow case.” His voice comes off softer that time. 

Michael wasn’t going to let himself but the next thing he knows he’s crying. He wants Jeremy to hold him, to touch him. He knows it’ll break him, he knows it’ll break Jeremy. He just misses Jeremy so much. 

“Jeremy, I’ve given you the world. As much of it as I possibly can!” He feels the hot tears stain his smoking red face. “I have done nothing but love you! I give and give and this is how you repay me? By sleeping with another man? By sleeping with Rich?” He slurs the name through his teeth. “One of our friends! Or at least he used to be.” Michael groans. “Do you know the hell you put me through?” 

Michael pauses, waiting for a response from Jeremy. He’s not going to do all the talking here. There’s a dreadful silence that makes Michael’s heart shatter further as Jeremy starts t breakdown in front of him. 

“No, Michael I don’t.” Jeremy cries. “I don’t know what I’ve done to you. All I can say is that I am sorry. I am so so sorry. I’ll say it as many times as you need me to! I’m sorry Michael. I still love you. I will never stop loving you.” Jeremy starts to have a hard time breathing, his throat feeling like sand paper. “There’s nothing that will make me stop loving you! If I learned anything in these past two weeks it’s that I am nothing without you. I don’t have a will to live life! Not without you. You are my world, and I’m sick of exploring space.” He sobs. “Michael you are my love. You are my life. My everything. My safety. My home. Michael, won’t you let me come home?” He looks at Michael. “I’m so sorry.” 

Michael doesn’t know what to do. His heart is aching looking at Jeremy like this. He wants to run up to him and scoop him up in his arms. He wants to lose Jeremy in a pile of all the kisses they’ve missed for the past fourteen days. He wants to make up for lost time. He wants Jeremy to be his. He never wants Jeremy to leave him ever again. 

“I..” Michael takes a deep breath. “I love you too.”

It’s been so long since Michael has sad those words. It’s been such a long time he’s said them to the man he loves, more than anything or anyone in the world. He takes another step towards Jeremy. 

“But you have to understand something.” Michael changes his tone again.  
“Anything for you Michael.” Jeremy says.   
“You made me feel, worthless. Again might I add.” He sighs. “I thought you didn’t love me. I feared you would do this. You broke me.”   
“I’m willing to take the time to try and repair what I’ve broken. I’ll take the time to regain your trust. I’ll do anything for you.”   
“Then we should start here.” Michael says letting his tears fall

Michael takes a few steps towards Jeremy. He wraps his arms around Jeremy’s waist and pulls Jeremy into his chest; he lets Jeremy listen to the beating of his broken heart. With how close Jeremy is to him, Michael can feel his heart start to repair. HIs chest warms as he feels Jeremy smile. 

“I’ve missed you so much.” Jeremy cries into Michael’s shirt.   
“I’ve missed you too.” Michael sighs. “I didn’t even know where you were until a few minutes ago.”   
“Run into Christine?”   
“I did.” Michael sighs. “But lets not talk about other people right now. Just each other. Just you.” Michael starts wiping away Jeremy’s tears. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”   
“And I, you. I don’t think I ever want to drink again.”   
“Agreed.” Michael sighs. “Please never go out without me again.”   
“Deal.” Jeremy sighs. 

Jeremy looks at Michael and smiles. How could he ever turn his back on him? He’d never do that again, that’s for sure. His brain has learned. If he’s ever black out drunk again, which he never will be, he will definitely know to stay close to Michael. Michael Mell. The man of his dreams. 

“I love you Mikey.” Jeremy cries, he's been wanting to say that for so long.   
“I love you Jer.” Michael sighs. It’s been so long since he’s been called that.   
“I haven’t been sleeping.”   
“I haven’t either.” Michael confesses. “I can’t sleep without you there.”   
“Same.” Jeremy replies. 

Jeremy steps back form the embrace so he can look at Michael. He smiles. He is so happy thar Michael still loves him. Michael’s relieved that Jeremy still wants him. They’re so relieved to have each other. 

“You look messy.” Michael comments.   
“You’re not looking too good yourself.” Jeremy says, still smiling. “You’re still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on.”   
“Have you looked in a mirror? You’re the most beautiful thing in the universe, there’s no contest.” Michael brings a hand to Jeremy’s cheek.   
“Mikey..” Jeremy blushes. “I love you.”   
“I know buddy, I know.” He pulls Jeremy into a kiss. “I love you too sweetheart.” 

Both of the boys are smiling now, and the tears have stopped. Michale adjusts his glasses and keeps his eyes on his beautiful boyfriend. He doesn’t want this to change, ever. 

“So are we…” Jeremy trails off.   
“I still want to be, yeah.” Michael finishes. “Be my boyf?”   
“Only if you’re my riend!” Jeremy exclaims.   
“I can agree to those terms.” Michael laughs. 

Michael isn’t sure of the last time he blinked, but he doesn’t want Jeremy out of his sight. He takes Jeremy’s hand and squeezes it. 

“Do you want your hoodie back?” Jeremy asks.   
“You look a lot cuter in it.” Michael grins. “I don’t want you out of it until you can get back in your cardigan.”   
“Isn’t my cardigan at the house?”   
“Yeah, it is.” Michael sighs. “Wanna help me put my player one necklace back on?”   
“That’s at the house too, right?”   
“Can you take a hint Jer?” Michael asks.   
“You want me back?”   
“Let’s get you home.” Michael smiles.

So Michael scooped Jeremy up in his arms and carried him out of the building, locking the door. They decide Jeremy can come back for his stuff later. Michael carries Jeremy all the at down to the subway station as they take the train home. 

Together. 

Michael picks Jeremy back up as he walks them home. He walks into the house and kisses Jeremy. He’s never letting Jeremy out of his arms, out of his life. 

“Michael, did you punch the walls?”   
“Oh, um…yeah. Sorry about that.” Michael admits.   
“No, no, no. You shouldn’t be sorry. I’m sorry I made you do that.” Jeremy curls closer into Michael’s chest. “I saw your hand. Is it okay?”   
“It’s sore, but it’s fine.” Michael says.

He carries Jeremy up to the bedroom. Jeremy secures Michael’s player one necklace around his neck. Michael sighs. 

“I’m yours, don’t you ever forget that.” Michael says laying down.   
“You are mine and I’m yours.” Jeremy gets under the blankets snuggling up next to Michael.   
“I love you player two.”   
“I love you more player one.” Jeremy smiles, kissing Michael’s cheek. 

Michael kisses Jeremy’s forehead and wraps his arms around him as their legs intertwine. Everything felt repaired again. Like nothing changed. Not a thing in the world. There’s nothing that these two could not overcome. There is nothing more powerful than the power of love. That’s what those two have. Love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys have enjoyed this lament. If you're looking for something I've written I strongly recommend In His Eyes! It's a big angsty pit of angst! I also recommend giving this song a listen!


End file.
